Stop waiting for motivation.
Lead by values, begin with action.
A common question I hear in therapy sessions is “how do I get myself to do this?”— referring to a task, goal or working on an ongoing project that won’t seem to budge.
The answer is both simple and complex.
It’s complex because there’s no magic trick to instantly feel enthusiastic, ready, or motivated. There are certainly strategies that can make tasks feel more approachable—like habit-stacking, starting small, pairing tasks with rewards, or working alongside someone for accountability. But motivation can’t be magically summoned and the stuck-point is often more deeply rooted, alongside an unhelpful belief that motivation is essential.
And yet, the simple part is this: To get something done, just begin. Don’t wait for motivation, excitement, or enthusiasm—these feelings usually follow action, not precede it. Start by moving the body in a way that signals “I’m beginning”.
So why does this feel so difficult, even impossible sometimes? Often it’s not a lack of willpower. It’s deeper, unconscious beliefs that actually holds us back. Until we bring those hidden beliefs into awareness, no amount of willpower will consistently override them.
“Getting motivated” can feel even more daunting for perfectionists. If perfectionism had a tagline, it might be ‘I’ll start when I’m sure I can do it right’. But the feeling of certainty or readiness rarely shows up when you need it. Especially if you get used to holding off until everything feels ‘just right’.
Waiting for motivation is similar to waiting for perfect weather before leaving the house: it’s nice when it happens, but not necessary. In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), we learn that motivation, similar to any emotion, is an unreliable driver for action. A common myth is that we need to feel motivated before acting, but this is problematic because feelings are fleeting and inconsistent. We don’t act because we feel motivated or ready; we act because it aligns with our values— the meaningful qualities that we want to lead our life by.
When an emotion like anxiety, fear or doubt (which are often held unconsciously) is in the driver seat, we end up either stalling or steering in the wrong direction. Instead, ACT encourages us to put our values in the driver seat, and the challenging emotion in the passenger or back seat—take it along for the ride.
To connect with values, you can reflect on the question, why do I want to do this thing? I.e., if you value having a healthy connection to your body, you could decide to go for a walk, even when you don’t feel like it. When we anchor tasks in values, we’re reminded of the meaningful buy-in and the task becomes less about pressure and more about purpose.
In ACT, we refer to this as committed action: taking steps aligned with your values, despite how you feel. It’s an emphasis of behavior over your internal state. Taking even one small step can build momentum and eventually motivation may follow. And if it doesn’t— so be it, you’re still taking the action to live in alignment with what matters. That alone is progress.
Part of this mindset shift is also accepting that we don’t need to feel enthusiastic or inspired to something important. You just need to remember why it matters.
Our minds often default to surface-level explanations like, “I’m just lazy,” but that’s rarely the full story — and often not true. Laziness is usually a label we apply when we don’t understand the real reason we’re stuck.
Underneath the avoidance, there may be deeper, more complex, and unconscious beliefs attached to the task, such as:
“If I fail at this, it means I’m not good enough.”
“I have to do it perfectly or not at all.”
“I’m not the kind of person who sticks with things.”
“I don’t deserve to feel good or take care of myself.”
“This task reminds me of all the unfinished tasks in my life and how behind and terrible at life I am.”
These beliefs aren’t always obvious — they often operate quietly in the background, influencing your behavior (or avoidance) without your awareness. By slowing down and gently questioning your thoughts and emotional responses, you can begin to uncover these hidden drivers, and use healing and growth tools to dismantle them. This kind of self-inquiry isn’t about judgment or “fixing” yourself. It’s about understanding yourself more compassionately.
Reflection may also uncover overwhelm due to seeing every step at the same time, rather than just the first couple steps ahead of you. We’re never able to look at a mountain and just get to the top; there will always be steps to take so its worth pulling attention back to just the first ones to deal with.
The final important practice for moving forward with committed action is to detach from what the mind is saying. The mind could say “I don’t feel like doing this”, but you don’t have to obey the mind and believe everything it says. Instead, you can bring awareness to the thought, practice cognitive defusion to get distance from the thought (“I’m aware that my mind is saying I don’t feel like doing this”) and drop into the body and present moment. We can choose to not listen to the mind’s narrative and instead move our arms, legs and bodies in a way that sets us up to begin.
A challenge to shift to values-based action:
Choose one task you’ve been putting off because you didn’t feel ready or motivated.
Identify the value(s) behind it and any underlying beliefs that are blocking you.
Start the task for just 5 minutes, with no pressure to finish and no need for it to be perfect.
Reflect: how did it feel after starting it?
Practice, self-compassion and patience are key to shifting away from the “need” for motivation. 🩶
