The Wisdom of Uncertainty
Finding comfort in the unknown.
I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who loves, or even likes, uncertainty. While uncertainty is an inevitable part of life, it typically evokes feelings of discomfort, anxiety, fear, and a deep desire for control.
We naturally crave predictability, believing that this is what will provide security, but the reality we can never achieve this because life is always changing and we will always face unexpected situations. But what if, instead of resisting the unknown, we could embrace it? What would it shift with our inner suffering?
Our brains are wired to seek patterns and predictability. It’s why inaccurate cognitive distortions exist; our mind tries to make sense of ourselves and the world, and will create patterns for a sense of understanding, even if what it’s saying is untrue. Encountering the unknown can activate the amygdala— the part of the brain that processes fear— which can trigger a stress response. This is why uncertainty often leads to anxiety, spirals, or even a fight/flight/freeze response ;it’s interpreting the uncertainty as a threat and attempting to mitigate it.
This is also why the mind creates worst-case scenarios— to fill in the blanks because certainty, even if negative, feels better than not knowing. The discomfort we feel stems not from the uncertainty itself, but our resistance to it. By understanding this natural response, we can begin to shift our perspective and cultivate a healthier relationship with the unknown. First tolerating [the discomfort that comes with] uncertainty, then accepting it. A big part of acceptance is cutting off the narratives the mind will go down, as exemplified by my favorite acceptance graphic, plus dropping into the present moment and getting distance away from those thoughts.
For perfectionists, uncertainty can be highly disorienting. When there’s no clear “right” answer or guaranteed outcome, it can feel like standing on unstable ground with nothing solid to grip. The mind often rushes to fill the gap with overthinking, rigid planning, or constant self-evaluation, in an attempt to regain a sense of control. But ironically, the more we resist uncertainty, the more tense and stuck we can become—trading the possibility of growth for the illusion of safety
While uncertainty can feel unsettling, it also holds immense potential. Some of our greatest breakthroughs and moments of personal growth arise from times of uncertainty. When we learn to tolerate ambiguity, we develop emotional flexibility—an essential skill for resilience. Imagine how much mental space would be freed up without (or with way less) thoughts about the negative “what ifs” and how much less emotional distress we would feel without being consumed by fear of the unknown. Also imagine what you might lean into if the not-knowing or fear wasn’t present? What would you try? What conversations would you have?
Consider a values-based perspective with the question: how would I ideally want to show up, in the face of uncertainty? Curiosity would be an incredibly useful value here, to explore what the fears are and what they indicate is important to you. It could also help unlock self-limiting beliefs, distorted thinking, where fear of the unknown is preventing you from trying things that you want to, and what unsupported thoughts your mind is saying are fact. This wisdom is an opportunity to reframe such thoughts and connect with yourself in a deeper, more compassionate way.
It’s worth noting that there is a difference between embracing this opportunity for resilience and forced positivity, which can not only feel inauthentic, but have the opposite effect and lead to frustration, self-criticism, and disappointment. We don’t need to try convincing ourselves that the unknown is going to be incredible.
Instead, we can land on the gentle and neutral statement of “I don’t know”. Bring comfort to the “I don’t know”. Maybe add on “and if something terrible happens, I’ll deal with it”. In there is also a reminder of self-trust and a knowingness that even if a situation or outcome is completely unpleasant, difficult and painful, there’s also the other side of it, which is that eventually you’ll manage it (and likely with resources and support). It’s shifting the internal narrative from “I’m scared that ____ will happen” to “If ____ happens, I’ll find a way to manage it”. It’s also creating narratives that remind yourself that despite not knowing what will happen, you’re going to do it anyway, because it links you to the values of ____ which are meaningful for you and bring purpose.
As always, this type of emotion regulation is in both the reframing of narratives and getting in contact with mindfulness/mindful awareness- to work with the physical discomfort, re-engage focus to the present, and deeply embody the values you wish to align with.
Embracing uncertainty is not about eliminating fear and anxiety but learning to coexist with these emotions. We can both be scared and also move forward. When we shift our mindset, we open ourselves to the unexpected gifts and wisdom uncertainty can bring. Rather than seeking absolute certainty, we can cultivate trust in our ability to adapt and grow.
The next time you find yourself facing the unknown, pause and ask: What if uncertainty isn’t something to fear, but an opportunity to grow or practice a different way of holding it? In the unknown lies the potential for new beginnings, deeper wisdom, and the strength to navigate whatever comes next 🩶.
